


I Really Wish You'd Love Me

by shy_enby



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Mainly Skippus, skippus, tomark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:17:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shy_enby/pseuds/shy_enby
Summary: A fanfiction inspired by the new blink-182 song entitled: I Really Wish I Hated You. This is basically a fanfic involving a love triangle between Mark, Matt, and Tom. Mark can't get Tom out of his head lately and starts to want him back. Mark has been secretly longing to be with Mark for 4 years. What shall unfold? Read to find out! Also, this is the first time I have written anything for over a year and a half. I went through a lot of mental health issues and healing. I'm still not where I want to be but I am sure better than what I was. Please read this, even if you aren't a blink fan, I'm sure it still may be interesting! I'm really sorry though if it sucks, I haven't written in so long and I never considered myself a good writer before that. Please help me by leaving some feedback! Enjoy! (also I know Tom may seem like a dick in this but remember kids don't take it to heart I don't think of him as this way and I'm sure the guys wouldn't hold such animosity towards him, its just a fic, I still like the big guy even though he's no longer part of blink)





	1. Chapter 1

Laying in his bunk of the tour bus, Mark turned to stare at the empty one across from him. The empty one that used to belong to Tom Delonge. Lately memories of his ex-bandmate plagued his mind relentlessly all day and night. Tom and his band Angels and Airwaves had been all over the media recently which was not helping the situation at all. Stolen nights away between the two of them and crazy antics of their shared past would flash beneath his closed eyes. How he missed the one he once held so dear. How he missed the one he had once called his lover.

He specifically recalled the humid and sticky nights spent skateboarding and the jam sessions they used to have in his garage back in San Diego. Sweat would pour off them, clothes would cling to dampened skin, neither of them could’ve given a shit about it as long as they were in each other’s presence. Nothing ever mattered to Mark as long as he had Tom by his side. That would always progress to Mark thinking of the similar humid and sticky nights trapped in their first tour bus when blink was finally becoming popular. The faulty air conditioner the bus had would constantly go out, needing repairs that they couldn’t afford yet. But again, Mark didn’t give a shit, even when Tom, already drenched with sweat, would crawl into his sweltering bunk and cuddle up to him.

It was all too much for Mark to handle in this moment. Tears started to slide down his reddened cheeks. Anger and loneliness mixed with such bittersweet sorrow flooded into his chest, bubbling over. “I really wish I hated you.” He whispered allowed to no one but himself as he quickly wiped his face, not wanting to cry over Tom… again. He rolled over on his side facing the wall and pulled the curtain to the bunk shut praying he’d be able to fall asleep tonight.

Needless to say, his attempt to sleep was fruitless. He heard Matt and Travis stirring around just as he had finally begun to drift off. “Up and at ‘em” Travis said as he yanked the curtain to Mark’s bunk open. “Sound check in three hours.” Mark grumbled and rubbed his sure to be bloodshot eyes. They felt so dry and itchy. Oh, how he wished he could get Tom out of his head long enough to get some sleep. He sincerely hoped that his band mates hadn’t caught on that something was wrong with him as well.

Matt, though, had noticed that his friend seemed troubled the past couple months of touring. He’s grown quite worried about him. The whole time he’s been in the band since 2015, he had never seen Mark behaving this way. Mark always seemed so energetic, outgoing, and bubbly. Lately he’s just looked completely exhausted and drained. Matt had considered approaching Mark about the change in his demeanor, but he does not want to make whatever is bothering him worse. So, while Mark went into the bathroom after slinking out of his bunk, he decided to ask Travis if he had noticed anything.

The drummer had already exited the bus. Matt started to head out, looking behind him to make sure Mark hadn’t come out yet. Seeing the coast was clear, he grabbed Travis by the arm and led him away from where the buses were parked. “Dude, what’s going on?!” He asked as he was practically being drug by Matt. “I need to ask you something important but I don’t want Mark over-hearing.” He replied, letting go of Travis’ arm so the drummer could walk alongside of him. “What’s so important that Mark can’t hear? We prankin’ him on stage tonight or what?” Travis asked totally confused. Matt shook his head frowning.

“Come on, you’ve had to notice he hasn’t been himself on this tour man. He puts a good front up on stage but not when he thinks no one is looking. You know him a lot better than I do. So, what the hell is going on?” Matt asked, clearly frustrated. “Oh… yeah… I mean I have. I haven’t talked to him about it or anything but I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on.” Travis replied. Matt felt a wave of relief and one of anxiety flood through him. Relief that he may get an explanation as to why his friend seems so bummed out and anxiety over worrying that his suspicions were true about Mark not being himself.

“I mean the guy’s been all over the media lately. It’s Tom dude. Mark gets like this Every. Single. Time. It just brings back emotional memories for him. I really thought he’d be over him by now to be honest. Tom and I are cool but I know Mark had a much different relationship with him. He didn’t get the closure he needed from Tom, which was really shitty. They way they ended wasn’t a quick ‘pull of the band aid’ situation either, was more like a deep wound receiving stitches without any type of anesthetic for him. And it still hasn’t finished healing yet.” Travis explained.

This information hit Matt like an eighteen-wheeler to the chest. He felt nauseous and to be honest, a bit dizzy. Travis snapped his fingers in front of the guitarist’s face to get his attention. Matt turned his attention back to Travis from staring off into space. “Whoa, you okay dude? You looked like you were going to pass out.” Travis said.

Matt nodded before responding, “Yeah I’m good, just worried about Mark. That’s all. Hate seeing a friend in distress.” After that was said he walked off leaving Travis by himself in the middle of the parking lot. Now the drummer had to worry about both his bandmates it seemed. The look in Matt’s eyes as he walked off looked like he was now in distress himself. Travis really didn’t know how to unpack everything that was happening right now, so he just went to go find himself a coffee before prepping for sound check.


	2. Chapter 2

Now it was Matt’s turn to try to fight back the tears. He had enough inner turmoil having more than friendly feelings for their bassist and not knowing what to do about them. Knowing its been over four years since Mark’s break up with Tom and being told he’s still not over it just pushed things over the top for him. He sat down on the nearest sidewalk and just completely broke down. The only relief he got from this was the text from Travis that he had been feeling unwell since dinner last night and food poisoning just hit him like a tidal wave. It was bad enough that they had to cancel the last show of their tour tonight. Of course, he did feel bad for Travis but at least he didn’t have to stand on stage next to Mark tonight. They’d still be in the city they were meant to perform in for the next couple days so Travis could get better before the journey back home. Food poisoning and traveling don’t go well together.

Matt decided that the only thing to do now was for him to suck it up long enough to be able to grab his luggage and haul it up to his hotel room. He got up from the sidewalk and headed back towards the bus. As he neared it, he noticed the doors had been left open and he could hear faint voices from inside. The driver had already walked out and he had seen Travis being assisted inside by a couple of their roadies with his stuff. This left that only Mark could still be inside the bus that they all shared.

He hated himself for it, but he quietly stood by the open doors and listened in to try to hear what Mark was saying it sounded like he was on the phone with someone. The nausea from earlier returned as he begged whatever higher authority was listening that it wasn’t who he was thinking it could be. But Mark had the phone on speaker and Matt could clearly hear who was on the other side.

“I just can’t get you out of my head… I really wish I could just fucking let go but there’s so many memories and there’s such a huge past between us… I don’t know if I ever can. I’m so sorry that I called you and bothered you like this. It was wrong to do. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Mark rambled, trying to get the words out through his sobs. He was just about to hang up when Tom spoke up.  
“No! No! Mark… look its okay. It’s okay. The same thing happens to me a lot. You’re in my thoughts so much Marky.” Tom replied with a purr. “I really do miss you. Look, my band and I are in the city next to where you guys are for an interview. Maybe we could meet up so we can talk about this. I don’t want to get your hopes up and hurt you again, but we can talk and see where the conversation goes if you want to. I’m really busy with some personal shit and AVA right now, but it really would be nice to see you.”

Once again Matt felt the contents of his last meal creeping up into his throat. He didn’t stick around to hear what Mark had to say back to Tom. He shoved his hands in his pockets, walking as fast as he could back to his hotel room without his luggage. He couldn’t give a fuck about it right now. He had to make a phone call of his own. He shakily pulled up his contacts and pressed on Dan’s, the bassist in his other band. He paced the floor as he waited for him to pick up. It ended up going to voicemail but right away Dan called back. Matt didn’t really have time for phone tag right now.

As soon as Matt answered Dan, he knew something was off with him. He could hear Matt’s rapid breaths through the speaker. It sounded like he was on the verge of crying. “Matt what’s going on? You sound really upset.” Matt tried to collect himself enough to reply to his best friend. His best friend who knew of his feelings for one, Mark Hoppus.  
“I j-just heard Mark talking on the phone with Tom… Okay maybe listened in on them but that doesn’t matter right now! He called Tom crying about how much he misses him and I had planned once we got home from the tour to tell him how I feel. I know I should’ve done it long ago like you said but I’m so worried it would ruin our friendship and make things awkward with the band Jesus I feel like I’m back in Highschool I have no fucking clue what to do right now their going to meet up together I think I heard Tom say tomorrow but I’m not sure I feel so fucking sick why do I feel this way there isn’t fucking anything between Mark and I so it doesn’t –“

“MATTHEW!” Dan yelled into his phone to get Matt to stop rambling and hyperventilating. “Dude, first thing you have to do is calm the fuck down. Second, you really just have to listen to your heart. I know that sounds like cheesy cliché bullshit but its true. If you’re really pining this heard over for Mark and him not being over Tom yet is really hurting you this much, you’re just going to have to talk to him. If you’re more worried about what’s going to happen to your friendship with Mark and blink, then you have to find a way to get over your feelings. But I know you, I know that isn’t going to happen. Matt, if you don’t tell and keep stressed about this and upset over Mark it’s going to be just as destructive. I say talk to Mark. It might end better than what you’re thinking. You don’t think clearly when you’re so discomposed like this.”

Matt did his best to calm his breathing and take in Dan’s words. “Thank you Dan. I just… I really gotta clear my head and think this through, you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.” He replied sniffling and wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “No matter what you know Derek and I are here for you. Bye Matt. You’ll be okay.” Dan said before hanging up.

Sighing loudly, Matt slid down the room’s door, landing a bit harshly on his ass. He sighed again and held his face in his palms. He sat there for several hours, although it did not feel like it to him. He fought with himself to just go and talk to Mark. He was right across the hall, just go do it. His forearms had gotten numb from holding his head up. “That’s it.” He said aloud while standing up quickly. The room spun for a moment before his vision went back to normal. “I’m going to go tell Mark how I feel!” He grabbed the door handle and swung it open. He lifted his gaze from the handle to Mark’s door across the hall just to see Tom standing in front of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Matt didn’t know whether his jaw was going to hit the floor or if he was going to projectile vomit down the hallway. He opted for just hurriedly shutting the door before Tom could notice him gaping in the doorway. He didn’t know what the hell to do now. He swore up and down that he had heard Tom say he was going to meet Mark somewhere tomorrow, sounded like some Mexican place but he didn’t quite catch the tail end of the conversation. “How could this situation get anymore fucked?!” He thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Mark had been taking a nap, curled up underneath the crisp hotel sheets on his bed. He thought he was still asleep and dreaming when he heard the knocking at the door. He soon realized he wasn’t when the pounding didn’t stop. He groggily pattered over to open the door and to his utter surprise, Tom was standing their smiling as bright as ever.

“Tommy?! What are you doing here, I thought we were going to that El Asadero place tomorrow?” Mark asked wondering if he really was awake and still not asleep dreaming. “Naw! I really didn’t feel like waiting so I picked some tacos up!” Tom replied, holding up the grease-soaked paper bag. “Thought here would be a more private setting so we can talk.” Mark nodded taking the now dripping bag from Tom and sat it on the desk by the door. Tears started to bead up in his eyes and he wrapped his arms around Tom’s middle. “I missed you so much Tommy…”

Tom wasted no time in returning the shorter man’s affection, squeezing his shoulders in a tight hug. “I know… I’m sorry. I missed you too Marky. Come on, let’s eat! I’m super fucking hungry and I don’t want the tacos getting cold.” He said as he let Mark go and flopped on the bed. Mark laughed and grabbed the bag, tossing it to Tom who quickly took his four tacos out. “Whoa, those smell so good.” Mark said sitting next to him. “Kinda reminds me how Sombrero’s smelled.” Tom couldn’t help but smile, thinking of one of their old hang outs.

“Yeah, I honestly miss those days…” He said, finishing scarfing down his last taco. He noticed Mark still hadn’t touched his. “What’s wrong Marky? Did I not get you the ones that you like?” He asked. “No… You got my absolute favorite… You still remember.” Mark replied. “Of course, I remembered! You were my… you’re my best friend.”

“W-what?” Mark stuttered, “But you l-left and-“ Tom cut him off, “Mark we could never speak again from this moment and it would never change the way I feel about you. I know I’ve hurt you and have really acted like a conceded asshole but no matter how mad we get at each other and no matter how long we go without talking, you’re always going to be my best friend. I love you Marky! Always will!”

Mark sniffled for a couple moments before silently crying, reaching out for Tom. Tom pulled him in his arms and combed his fingers through his hair. “Aw Marky, come on. Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Tom said. “Y-you didn’t upset me. I thought I didn’t mean anything to you anymore. To be completely honest I thought you wouldn’t even show up at Asadero’s tomorrow… but here you are.” Mark replied cupping Tom’s face in his palms before pulling him in for a kiss.

Tom let out a surprised noise but eagerly returned the kiss, letting Mark lead. Mark pressed his tongue between his lips making him moan. Mark then placed a hand against Tom’s chest, pushing him back to lay on the bed. He stripped himself of his shirt before Tom’s then working on Tom’s jeans, slipping them off his long legs. “Oh M-Marky. I missed this so much. I missed the feel of you against me.” Tom said, breathing starting to get uneven with arousal. Mark laughed breathily and slotted himself between Tom’s thighs, starting to grind slowly. “I know baby… I missed this too. Missed everything with you.” He leaned down to Tom’s ear to nip it before whispering I love you softly. Tom all of a sudden started feeling guilt wash through him.

“Mark, wait please. I don’t think this is a good idea anymore. Remember I said I didn’t want to get your hopes up when we talked over the phone. Tom said, pushing at Mark’s shoulders to get him off. “What? Tom what are you talking about? You just told me how you feel, you said you loved me!” Mark exclaimed, starting to feel heat from worry and embarrassment prickle up his neck.

“I know. I know. Mark… shit… I’m sorry. Look, I gotta go. I just can’t do this right now. It’s true I love you. I know I always will. But like I told you, I’m really busy and can’t commit myself to anything extra right now. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have picked up the phone when you called. I’m so sorry Mark. I just really missed you and wanted a quick taste of what we used to have. I know you want more and this is so wrong of me, I know I’m selfish. I just can’t give you what you want right now. I gotta stop it here before this goes further and I hurt you again.” Tom replied, now sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Before you hurt me again?! Before you fucking hurt me again?!” Mark started yelling, getting up off the bed. “Well it’s a little fucking too late for that Tom! And you’re right! You shouldn’t have come here! I was totally out of my mind calling you thinking I had a chance! I trusted you again once and you still fucking left! I was a fool to try this again for a third! Just get the fuck out! You don’t get just a fucking taste, you either get me completely or not at all! My heart isn’t your play thing and neither is my body! Get the fuck out now!”

Mark was beyond hurt and furious that Tom would let them go so far without explaining his true intentions first. Make him feel so loved again just to leave so suddenly. He was twice as furious that Tom got to see him spilling tears over this. Tom didn’t say another word, just got up and slipped his clothes back on before heading out the door. Mark heard the other man sniffle a few times before stepping out but he couldn’t care less about Tom’s feelings right now. “And take your fucking tacos with you!” He yelled, throwing the bag and its contents at Tom. It hit and bounced off him, spilling everything in it onto the carpet. Tom didn’t even bother looking back.

Matt had heard the ruckus from across the hall. He had clearly heard Mark screaming at Tom to leave. He knew whatever went down between them must have ended terribly. He bit his bottom lip trying to decide if going over to make sure Mark was okay was the best thing to do or not right now. More than likely he had just gotten his heart broken for the third time by Tom. “Quit being a fucking coward and go check on him!” He whispered loudly to himself.

This time, Matt didn’t double and triple guess his actions. He swung open his hotel room door again and marched across the hall to Mark’s. The door was still open and Matt almost stepped in the soggy pile of taco remnants that covered the floor of the entrance. From there he saw Mark curled up on the floor by the foot of his bed. He was weeping into his hands, skin bared except for the alkaline trio boxers he had on. Matt almost choked but shook his head remembering he had to make sure his friend was okay. He sat down beside him and put a comforting arm over his bare shoulders. “G-guess you heard all that…” Mark said between his sobs. Matt shushed him. “You don’t gotta talk right now, just know I’m here, okay? He replied. Mark looked up at him from his hands with a pitiful look before leaning into Matt, letting everything out with a loud cry of anguish.


	4. Chapter 4

The last time Matt had glanced at the clock it had been about 6:30pm. It now read a little past eleven and he couldn’t feel his legs. But he didn’t care. Mark had fallen asleep against him somewhere around eight, exhausted from the day’s emotional events. Matt didn’t dare move him or try to get up and leave. He had no intentions of letting Mark stew alone in his sorrow awake or asleep. Though, he had started to wonder just how comfortable Mark could be sleeping against him like that, neck bent at an awkward angle to use Matt’s shoulder like a pillow.

He gently started to shake Mark awake. “Psst, hey.” He whispered, shaking him a bit rougher now. Mark’s head slowly lifted off his shoulder and he blinked open his still puffy eyes. “Fuck Matt, what time is it? How long have I been out?” Mark asked looking around the room in a daze. “You were out for a while.” Matt replied, finally getting a chance to stand up and stretch. “It’s a little after eleven now.” Mark groaned and stood up to stretch as well.

“Hey… thanks for staying with me for a while. Nice to know I have someone who cares. I’m really sorry I slept for so long and you know, for using you as a pillow. I’m sure you wanna get back to your room to go to bed.” Mark said, trying to crack his neck. “If its okay with you I thought I could just take the other bed in here by the window.” Matt replied shrugging his shoulders. “And Mark? It wasn’t a bother at all to stay and sit with you.”

Mark gave a half smile and rubbed at his eyes. “Yeah, go ahead. I don’t mind.” He said, yawning halfway through his sentence. “Honestly, I just don’t want to leave you by yourself right now.” Matt said slipping out of his shirt and jeans. “No one deserves to be alone when they’re hurting.” Mark felt kind of awkward for doing this since they were both just in their boxers, but he gave Matt a hug who happily wrapped his arms around Mark. “Thank you.” Mark whispered.

They lingered like that for a moment before Mark pulled away and walked into the bathroom to freshen up before bed. Matt flopped down on what was now his bed to wait for his turn in the bathroom before he realized his luggage was still out in the tour bus. “Shit.” He said out loud, loud enough for Mark to hear. He peered out into the main room still brushing his teeth. “What’s wrong?” He mumbled around the toothbrush.

“I left all my fucking stuff on the bus.” Matt replied, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “You did? Want me to go get it for you?” Mark asked. Matt shook his head no and started to put his clothes back on. Once he was dressed, he grabbed the room’s extra keycard before heading back out to the parking lot. To his astonishment, he saw Tom bringing bags out from his car to the hotel. Matt couldn’t help it, he felt his blood boiling and started walking towards him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked. He really felt like getting up in Tom’s face but he restrained himself. “Calm down man. It’s a hotel, what do you think I’m doing. It’s not your business anyway.” Tom replied. Matt swore he could see red, he pushed at Tom’s chest. “Don’t tell me to fucking calm down DeLonge! I heard what happened between you and Mark! I had to go pick up the fucking pieces you left him in! I thought you left anyway!” Matt was all but screaming now.

Tom rolled his eyes in response and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I left, I went to go walk around the city to clear my head. It’s late and I don’t fucking feel like driving all the back to where the rest of AVA is staying.” He replied. It took all Matt could not to slug him in the jaw. “You just listen to me!” He said pointing closely in Tom’s face. “You stay the fuck away from Mark! He doesn’t need to deal with anymore of your shit! There’s plenty of other fucking hotels in Seattle you could fucking stay at! Just stay the fucking hell away from Mark!”

Matt was still fuming as he walked away towards the buses, cussing Tom under his breath the whole time it took him to get his stuff and walk back to Mark’s room. When he walked in, Mark knew something was wrong. Matt’s face was bright red and the veins in his neck were popping out a bit. “Matt? You okay buddy?” He asked, sitting up from where he had been laying down under the covers. “Yeah, I’m fine, bags are just heavy.” Matt lied in return. “You sure? You look really irritated Matthew.”

The guitarist decided that Mark might as well know in case he was to bump into the fucker later. “I fucking ran into Tom outside and it just pissed me off so damn much! He has the fucking nerve to stay here after what he just did to you! He doesn’t give a shit! I don’t know what bullshit lines he said to you Mark, but I wouldn’t buy ‘em! Matt said, voice breaking as tears started rolling down his ruddy cheeks. “It just fucking pisses me off! You don’t deserve that shit! He doesn’t get to fucking treat you like all you are is a fucking toy to him! You’re worth so much more than that!” He finished.

Mark just stared, stunned at Matt’s words and his tears. “Matt… Matt it’s okay. Why are you crying? I don’t understand the need for the tears. See? I’m okay! You came and cheered me up!” Mark said, throwing his hands up for emphasis and giving Matt a smile. “Bullshit Mark! I know how much Tom means to you. I know you’re hurting...” He replied, wiping his face.

“Yeah… yeah, you’re right. I am. I still feel like laying down on the floor and sobbing into the carpet like a big baby, but now you’ve got me worried about you. Matt tell me, why are you crying?” Mark pressed. “Because I fucking love you idiot! Matt yelled. And when he realized what he had just blurted out, he didn’t know whether to throw himself from the nearest window or make a run for the door. Instead he just sat there, brain malfunctioning, stuttering incoherently while staring wide-eyed at Mark. Mark looked as equally confused. “You love me?”


End file.
